I bought a book.
No, this is not atypical behavior. I buy books frequently. But this book is, um, different.
This book is going to challenge me to the very depths of my perfectionistic self and I'm a little, okay, a lot scared to face those demons. It's a book called Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith. When I saw it, I thought "Oh, this will be fun. I'll get to invest in my creative side and have some fun in my journaling adventures."
Was I ever wrong. This book is all about letting go of every preconceived notion you've ever had about journaling, about yourself, and about your boundaries. One page encourages you to chew it up, but not to swallow (of course, why would you EAT paper?!). Another encourages you to paint a picture with your tongue after eating colorful candy. Color outside the lines! Scribble with wreckless abandon!
Demands. Harsh ones. Ones that this perfectionist does not like. Cut threw several layers, are you kidding me?! Deface this book? This precious book. Ha.
I could choose to settle on the fact that I had wasted my money. Well, Cookie's money, as she bought it for me as a gift. I could walk away. Put the book on a shelf (well, in a tote since my bookshelf got broken in the move and I have yet to replace it) and walk slowly away. But I'm not. I'm diving in. Little by little, page by page, I am completing this damn book if it kills me.
And it might.
Every time I open the pages my anxiety rises a little. Rip the precious pages of this book. Seriously? But yes, I will. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But I will complete this journal. And I will post photographic evidence along the way. I will update you on my progress. How I'm letting go of bits and pieces of perfectionism in light of being creative, having fun, and letting myself play.
My former professor and mentor, Jodi Crane over at playcrane would be proud. And in a lot of ways I have her to thank for my choice to continue on with this book. Thanks, Dr. Crane!
So, onward and upward, my friends! If you never hear from me again, know it was the book that did me in. ;)