took a page out of Angela's and Jenny's books, and forgave someone, giving him another chance.At first, I didn't think a thing about it. Then I realized she was talking about me and my book. Say what? I never imagined that my life story would teach someone about forgiveness.
For the better part of my teenage years, I was the most forgiving person I knew. Someone could walk all over me, smear my face in the mud, kick me while I was down, and I would gladly get up, dust myself off, and continue with the "friendship."
After years of being taken advantage of by people I considered best friends, I decided that no one, and I mean no one, was going to walk all over me again! I was going to be Little Miss Independent, never rely on anyone, and heaven forbid someone get away with hurting me. I held onto grudges like fire to a wick. If someone crossed me the wrong way, I was done. I wasn't going to look back, I wasn't going to stress about it, I would simply walk away and that would be that.
Well, that wasn't a very happy existence either. There came a point in my life where I felt nothing more than numb. And I don't know that any of my lovely blog readers have ever reached that point in their lives, but there I was stone cold-hearted, numb, and bitter. I was so very bitter. I had very few friends, and only the friends that I will have for the rest of my life were the ones who stuck around. They didn't really know what was going on, they just knew I liked to keep mostly to myself and not hang out much. But when I did, I put on the happy face and went through life as though I had not a care in the world.
Meanwhile, my life was falling in around me. I didn't like who I was and I was terrified of the person I was becoming. I had a downward spiral into a serious depression, gained nearly 60 pounds, lost sight of what I wanted in life, spent most of my time in a "fantasy" world on the computer, where I made the majority of my friends. And I will always stand by the fact that some of my internet "friends" whom I have never met (and may never have the opportunity to meet) have been some of the truest and best friends I have ever had.
Then it dawned on me. The solution to my sorrow, my depression, my angst (trust me, there was plenty of angst...and I have some poems to prove it!)...was forgiveness. Not the "everyone is forgiven forever and always" mentality that I had before. But this idea that I cannot hold on to the pain of the world for the rest of my life. I had to Let Go. No, it wasn't that simple. It took about five journals worth of writing (maybe not that many, but I'm sure it was close); some very long rambled prayers to the Good Lord (Praise Him for listening!) that hadn't happened in far too long; and some letters to the people who had hurt me the most.
I'll be honest. I hadn't forgiven someone who hurt me very deeply until fall of 2009. I wasn't the bitter teenager at that point in my life anymore, but I hadn't let go of a lot of things. But that fall, I let go. I let God. And I no longer let that person control various aspects of my life. It's interesting how things work out.
If there is one thing I have learned through my lessons in forgiveness it's that forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you; and it will be one of the hardest things you have ever done in your life sometimes, but it will also be one of the most rewarding. When you break those chains, you are no longer bound by them.
So, if you find yourself bound to someone in a grudge, some form of hatred, or just outright frustration. Find it in your heart to forgive. Maybe you just need to let go and forgive yourself; that's okay, too. Write a letter to the person you need to forgive, put it away for a day or so, then re-read it. If you still feel the same, send it. If you don't speak to that person anymore--burn the letter, shred it, or cut it up and let.it.go.
Other times you'll find that you're holding on to something that just isn't worth it, but the person is. In that case, you can write the same letter and do the same burning, shredding, or cutting and move on from whatever situation it is that has caused you strife. It's hard to maintain a relationship when you harbor negative feelings toward someone! So find your inner peace, by letting go of whatever it is that burdens you, and let that person know that you forgive them and that you love them.
It's kind of like God's love, isn't it? That He loved me so much that He would send His one and only Son to die to save me. To forgive, even a little country girl like me, and provide me with the freedom to soar. It's awe-inspiring. Now, I'm no deity, and therefore, I have plenty of flaws (clearly!); but in order to live a life worthy of calling myself a Christ follower I, too, have to learn to forgive...even "the least of these" (Matthew 25:40). Whatever I do to those around me, I do also to my God. How can I hold a grudge against my Savior?! Exactly. Sometimes you just gotta listen to the Beatles and "Let It Be" (great song, huh?). :)
Life is too short to live in a bitter existence. And I am so glad that I've come to a point in my life where the pages of my story speak forgiveness! I hope that this post helps you find forgiveness in your heart as well. :)
"How can I hold a grudge against my Savior?" Ouch. Thank you for those convicting words, my friend!
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