Life Doesn't Stop for Anyone

I don't blog nearly as much as I would like, but believe me when I say it's all grad school's fault. In a matter of days I will be walking across the stage to be hooded by the Dean of the School of Professional Counseling, shake the President's hand, pose for a picture, and call myself a graduate with a Master of Education! I am so very excited for this accomplishment, but I also find it to be very bittersweet.

For the past 2 years, I have devoted my life to 60 graduate course hours of class time, well over 600 hours of internship devotion, and spent 10-11 hours per week with 5 amazing women that have absolutely changed my life.

Without these women, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have quit this program within the first semester when life seemed like it was falling apart (and it was), but with their support and encouragement, it all fell right back together and we made it. Through all of the tears, headaches, stress, and nervous breakdowns....we have accomplished something that many people don't. And I am so thankful for the support and love I have received from these ladies!

Here's a little excerpt from my journal on Friday afternoon:

As of this morning, I have contacted a student, gotten a perfect 100% on a final, scheduled a dentist appointment, and slowly come to the solemn realization that life doesn't stop for anyone; those chances you didn't take you will regret and sometimes you'll doubt the ones you did. Graduation is 8 days aways and I'm very excited, but I'm also scared. Now that school is out of the way, I have no excuse not to pursue a family. People will start asking questions. They'll want to know if I'm going to get my doctorate (I will, right?), when I'm bringing a boy home to meet the family (uh--I don't even know any?), and when I plan to settle down. Those are all things that I want at some point in my life. But today they seem so far out of reach.

And I still kind of feel that way. All I have ever been for the past 20 years of my life is a student, a learner, a part of academia. Now, I'm a "Master". I've achieved the status of teacher. I can help others step into my shoes. While I'm very proud of this accomplishment, it's so odd to me for my role in life to be changing so much. I've had some other things come up in the past few days that I'm praying for much discernment about. I don't want to leave them for the world to read (because that could greatly alter my opinion of the situation), but it boils down to staying where I'm at or following a dream. Politics are involved, which makes it complicated and sticky. But a dear friend of mine basically put it like this, "So, you're willing to sacrifice your dream and stay put so you can help others achieve their dreams?" Doesn't make sense when you put it that way, does it? I just ask that my great and powerful God lead me in the right direction for my life. And I am faithfully assured that he will.

Right now I am comforted by Proverbs 3:5-6: "(5) Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; (6) In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Through prayer, meditation, and performing the works of God, my King, I will find the way that will fulfill His Glory and His will for my life. "Not my will Father, but thine."

Today is also Mother's Day. So I hope you're out there celebrating the mothers, grandmothers, and the mothers-to-be in your life. Not just today, but everyday. I hope that they feel loved, cherished, and appreciated for all that they do and continue to do. My Momma is one of the greatest and I have her to thank for the woman I have become.

I'm off to finish up a final and do some studying for the last two of my graduate career! Wish me luck!