I am more

The past week or so has been particularly difficult for me in a number of venues. I've been over-stressed, overwhelmed, and consistently behind. There have been days that I've started and ended my days on the verge of tears. Today, now that things seem to have re-surfaced, the waters have calmed, and I no longer feel as though I'm drowning, I felt the need to reflect on how things managed to get me down and keep me there. Especially for nearly a week! Here's a brief synopsis of what I came up with.

1. I'm not taking care of myself; physically or mentally. I'm on the go 24/7 and even weekends that are supposed to be "breaks" feel more like work. I never let myself unwind because I'm worried about the next deadline or due date. Bubble baths, long walks, pleasure reading, and meditation used to be high on my priority list. I can't tell you the last time I successfully accomplished any of these tasks. It's time to bring myself back to the basics: feed myself well; exercise/play often; and work hard enough, but not too hard. It's really that simple.
2. I've lost touch with God. My devotional and my Bible rest on my headboard shelf above my head every single night. Most nights I find myself working until after I need to be asleep, not even touching either book, and falling asleep in the middle of my prayers. This is not the kind of Christian example I want to give to the world. I want my inner light to shine from within because I'm feeding myself daily with God's word. And by getting back to the basics in number one, as well as fulfilling this aspect of myself, I can not only create time to talk with God, but give myself time to listen to God as well.
3. I have unintentionally put friendships on the back burner in place of school/work. I'm not cultivating relationships in my life in the same manner that I have in the past. And I miss those people in my life. I need to take more initiative to place those people back in my life on a much more regular basis.
4. I'm too critical of myself. I emphasize and exaggerate my flaws. And spend so much time looking at them, that I fail to notice the good I'm doing in this world, in my life, and in the lives of others. I fully believe that I need to be aware of my flaws, but I don't need to keep sole focus on them. I am more than that. So much more. And Tenth Avenue North has given song to the words in my heart regarding this:

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

I am a broken and forgiven child of God. I am more than the flaws that I perceive in myself. I am healed. I am strong because all things I do, I do through the strength of Christ. But most importantly, I have been made new. I have been made in His image, and He is Holy. Praise God that I don't have to be anything more than the humble servant that I am...because He loves me, forgives me, and saves me anyway....

So, that's where I'm at today. I'm about being more...and believing I am more. I'm reflecting and finding the peace within myself to create change in my life for the better. I would never venture to say I've got it all just right, but I am getting there. And the journey is more than the destination ever will be.